ADHD Blog (and Tourette's and Asperger's)

The true story of a family trying to adapt and help.

2007-03-07 - 11:37:23

I asked you nicely...

A friend of mine who also suffers from Aperger's once told me that being asked "but what are you going to when" was one of the things that created a high level of stress in him when he was younger. I sincerely try to follow his advice and not to ask such a question when A. is behaving in a particular manner or when he says things that, socially, make absolutely no sense,

Unfortunately, sometimes it slips out. Sometimes, I just can't find another way of making him realize that certain beliefs or opinions aren't going to work in the real world. This occurred once on the subject of money. Being thirteen, A. understands how money is used. It's the why that displeases him. Or rather, is the "why should people have to work to get what they want? People should give others (namely him) whatever they want whenever they want it".

I try not to go into deep financial considerations and rather try to explain things in a way that would touch him. I tell him, for example that there are things that he wouldn't want to do and that few people would enjoy doing, but that must be done. To encourage someone to do these things, we give them money. The money can then be exchanged, etc, etc, etc. He kind of understands that, but still feels that it's unfair. Truthfully, he's probably right. Many money matters are. But that won't change the fact that he'll someday need to work to make some money.

We've had this conversation many times. He won't budge. Logic seems to have no place here. During one such conversation during which he explained the fact that he didn't want to work for a living, I said "You like to have things. You want to get new video games. You like going to the restaurant. Whether you like it or not, you'll someday have to pay for these things. How will you do that if you have no money?".

The terrible question had been asked. I could find no other way around it. His answer came with all the innocence of a child who doesn't understand certain things about social life.

His answer was "I'll ask someone to give me some money". When I told him that the person would most probably answer with a resounding "No", he told me he'd insist and say "I asked you nicely to give me some money". What followed, for me, was a moment when I wondered if he was serious. He was, very. When you have a child with ADHD, Tourette's and Asperger, you often wonder what behaviour stems from what condition. I know I understand very little about Asperger's, so I might be wrong, but I felt at that moment that his belief came from that condition. That his world was a different one that I had to understand, but also that he had to learn to understand ours. And it's not going to be easy.

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