About this Blog Some call it attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD), others talk about being hyperactive. Here are the accounts of the life of a parent trying to help a child with ADHD.
About the Author I am the parent of a child with ADHD who believes that the one of the best ways to help such a child is by sharing experiences with other such parents.
The true story of a family trying to adapt and help.
05/07/2006 - 11:26:56
News: Midbrain, striatal and amygdalar dopaminergic dysfunction in ADHD
As you can see from the above title, this bit of news skews towards the scientific side of things. I don't have an opinion worth mentioning about this article, besides the fact that I'm happy to learn about serious scientific research on the workings of methylphenidate.
It's actually easier to understand than the title could lead you to believe.
01/09/2006 - 09:30:49 Angie
The more my children grow up, the more I realise that adhd is very difficult for outsiders to understand. Even most very expiremented professionals don't really understand.
They don't understand that these children are not to be disciplined after doing something wrong like 2 or 3 times a day.......I would say they need to be watched & delt with, oh, just about 25 to 50 times a day! That's all ! Not being able to control themselves, always needing someone there to help them do that. Ending up with consquences 5 times more than positive comments and outcomes.
One specialist said I must leave him make his choices, as if he chooses to end up with punishements all the time, as if he chooses to be impulsive and end up not being liked by others. They don't choose most of the time ! Their brain goes so fast that they don't even have time to make a choice, neverless their difficulty in controlling themselves.
It is frightening and discouraging for a child to live like this.
All of these problems bring on the emotional problems, which means mommy and daddy must help them cope, many, many times a day, added on to the times they have to bring the child to listen to them, so he or she does not hurt herself or others.
Up on the stove they are paying with the burners when you come out of a very fast trip to the washroom.The next thing you know, their out the door and you have to run after them to get them back into the house.
I remember being dizzy, oh so dizzy trying to catch up with them, while also trying to clean the house (many messes they do make, mostly because they go to fast and have trouble organising their stuff) cook super (((oh did I burn many of those !!))))answering the teachers phone calls!((many of those to!)), reminding them of things they should not forget (very hard when you have adhd yourself and you forget stuff all day long !) and finally, getting them to do their homework and helping them do it.
If I could go through a day with brushed teeth, three meals fed, most of the homework done, no missed school buses and no calls from school, that was just about the most I could get done.
Then they call us overprotective. I am not overprotective. I am actually a very easy going person. I had no choice but to be close and on my guards. One of them would surely be dead by now.
We move in a new appartement and they see the clothes line ! Oh, cool! they say, we could take a ride on that !
MY GOD !! If only ideas like that were occasional, but they were not ! They were a constant part of my life.
Stress, stress, stress and absolutely no help before they reached five and were diagnosed. Nobody wants to babysitt them, it's to hard, and of course, it's all of are fault. We are not enough this, not enough that. We are just a bunch of bad parents.
Then they go on telling us how we should bring them up. we are told so much that we are almost experts at the question of raising kids ! What most don't seem to understand, is that they are not just like other kids. They are special kids, with special needs and the usual way of bringing a kid up, just doesn't work or not for long. Why is this? Many studies say that it is a control problem. Usually, preventing a child from watching sesame street 2 or three times is enough to get them back on track. They say a child needs about three weeks to understand and get use to a rule. It took me 2 years to get them to look both ways before crossing the road and still forget !
I took me 2 years of telling my son, if you run out of the park boundaries, we are leaving, and I would leave. The adhd kid is not the one playing quietly in the sandbox, or rarely. They are the ones that are everywhere's except where they are suppost to be. The more space they have to run around, the happier they are.
Then they say they need more exercice. These kids can run all morning not stop and it only takes them 15 minutes to have all of their energy back ! Mommy needs more than 15 minutes though! And mommy has responsiblities, so she can't just have them do sports as much as she would like. Although they do anyways, in the house or yard.
Oh, but I'm a horrible mom. My boy is now 6 and actually started to sleep through the night about a year ago. I had to catch up on 5 years of hardly sleeping,controlling tamper fits, or at least trying to, being stressed out all of the time, and not taking care of my health. I had no time for that.
Anyone who says that an adhd parent is bad, is ither heartless or ignorant about the problem.
Like someone said above, have them take care of them fo a weekend. But even then, most will just say it is your fault.
So added to your already very hard life, you must face other people saying you are a bad mom. That's not what you need, you need to be encouraged, you need to be helped, for taking car of one hyperactive child, is like taking care of 10 twins.
Although encouragement is hard to get, I have the satisfaction of knowing that I did everyhting I possibly could to help my children,loved them with all of my heart, and made many sacrafices for them, just for them.
My reward is to see them smile at me and hug me, to see all of the progress they have made over the years, to know that all of the hard work I put in was worth it in the long run.
The medication also helped them, very, very much. I give it to them not for me, especially that it makes my image as a mother worse, but for them. I see that they do not suffer as much, they now have more freinds, are doing better in school, are liked by more people and are less anxious, because they have more self-control.
My boy's first teacher was against medication for this problem and did not want to give it to him. After a week, her mind was changed forever. She realised how serious the problem is and how much he needs his medication to be able to fonction the classroom. It's not just about a child being to active. That's not the real issue. It's about a child with a more complexe problem, with many other symptoms that make him suffer in the long term.
I don't want to judge any parents, but having seen the difference with and without medication, I really think that those parents who refuse to give it are leaving their child suffer, without really realising what they are doing and how this will affect the child's life. They need to at least make an informed desision and read about the problem and the consequences of it. Then again, maybe their child does not really have that problem or it isn't to bad. I just hope that it is not because of all the bad things they hear about parents giving ritalin to their child.
It breaks my heart to think of all of the problems that child will have because of a bunch of myths. I saw my brother and sister being brought up without it, without help neither. I also have a friend that took her medication and that is doing very well today. To bad I could'nt say the same for my brother and sister. I hate medication, I love natural products and remedies, bit this time, I had to do what I felt was right for them, even if it meant giving them medication. Maybe some day, they will come up with another remedy, but for now, it's the way that works the best for my children.
After writing this, I realise what a good loving mother I am and I am sure that you are to.
remeber this, all of the time. Post it on your wall, for you know deep in your heart that you do the best you can with what you have.
If you can afford a maid, hire one ! If you can afford someone to help with homework, do it ! You deserve it !
Thank you for your message. It was very interesting and reminded me of our own family life.
It's incredible how little other parents (that don't have an ADHD child) actually understand this situation. You quickly have to learn to tell yourself "who cares what others think, I'm doing what's best for my child".